I'm not proud to say that I'm on low budget for years after my ex b/f left me. I learned to control my money in a hard way myself. One check every month. I pay my rent, DSL ( for reason - phone), my car insurance ( that you HAVE to have an insurance for your car or court's fee would be full of shit!) What's left over? It goes to food, personal items and other things that I need for myself. There was not much to save. ( Being single is very hard...... I know I can make it)
Sometimes, my money ran out before the check comes. Food were gone except Rice-o-Roni, 1/2 loaf of bread, oven is dead.. Great!) Not even a drop of milk, juices and Cola Cola ( my coffee! I don't drink coffee, I usually tease that Coke is my coffee..) Since last Friday, I tried to figure what to have for dinner and I had breakfast with Lucky Charm and 1 cup of milk.... till supper time. I'm like... Gah... What is in the icebox? I started to worry that I would be starving. Am I selfish? Probably. I think I had 2 pieces of toast and glass of iced tea. That was about it. I devoured my small dinner and I demanded myself to go out for long walk after the meal. I was happy that I had 2 pieces of toasts with peanut butter on top. It was better than nothing.
While I was out for a long walk, my teeth started to grind and I knew that I was hungry cuz of 2 pieces of toast. In back of my mind (while walking), "Deb,... You are selfish." You should be happy that you had 2 pieces of TOASTS with peanut butter. What about all those children at Africa? They just sit there crying, tears plastering on their face ... Why? Their stomachs are empty. Flies buzzed around their faces... heart breaking..too hot to sit in the sun.. They probably wanted my toasts if I offer to them. I can feel my stomach hunger and pain. Wanted my belly to be fill by food. I haven't eat much since last Friday and NOW, I know how homeless children and children from Africa feel being so hungry. They do not care if it's mac n cheese, tuna, crackers, or anything like that. I rather eat anything if it is available. Yes, I cried and felt for them. I cried because they are hungry even their parent tried to find something for them to eat. Their stomach hurts and it made my stomach hurt too.
I feel shame when people throw leftover food in the garbage.
Now, I know how to feel being hungry. I know how to feel my stomach twisted.